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ARIES March 21-April 19: The Macy’s ad I saw in the newspaper had a blaring headline: “Find Your Magic 2.0.” The items that were being touted to help us discover our upgraded and more deluxe sense of magic were luxurious diamond rings. The cheapest was $2,150. I’m ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: The coming week is likely to be abnormally free of worries and frustrations. I’m afraid that means you’re not going to have as much right to complain as you usually do. Can you handle that? Or will you feel bereft when faced with the prospect...

Dear Dan: I’m a Savage Lovecast listener, but I’m sending this question to your column because my boyfriend would FOR SURE recognize my voice if I called the show. I’m 25, I live in Portland, and my boyfriend and I have been monogamous for five years. His dick is of ...

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19...

Dear Dan: I’m a gay man in my late 20s, and I can’t get fucked. I have tried to train my ass, but the largest thing I can place inside remains a small butt plug. If I try anything bigger, the pain is unbearable. I’ve always been a very anxious person, and it’s clear ...

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19...

ARIES March 21-April 19: When Carolee Schneeman was a kid, her extravagant adoration of nature earned her the nickname “mad pantheist.” Later, during her career as a visual artist, she described her relationship with the world this way: “I assume the senses crave ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: An Indian student named Sankalp Sinha has invented the “Good Morning Sing N Shock.” It’s an alarm clock that plays you a song and gives you a small electrical jolt when you hit the snooze button. The voltage applied is far less intense than, ...

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19: We all have addictive and obsessive tendencies. They are fundamental to being human. So the challenge is not to eliminate them — that’s not possible — but rather to harness them. If you hope to keep them from dragging you down, you must work ...

Dear Dan: I’m a foot-fetish guy who split up with my girlfriend of four years. She was into all the foot stuff, and we got into lots of other kinks. My concern is about meeting new women. I’m worried I’m not going to be able to perform for vanilla sex. I feel almost ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: To place yourself in smooth alignment with planetary rhythms, do conscientious work on the foundations of your life. Take extra care of the people who take care of you. Make sure you have a good supply of the various resources that keep you ...

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19: These days you have a knack for reclamation and redemption, Aries. If anyone can put fun into what’s dysfunctional, it’s you. You may even be able to infuse neurotic cluelessness with a dose of erotic playfulness. So be confident in your ...