HOVERBOARDS, MIKE TYSON AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
The Catholic Church can be accused of being behind the times for not embracing the future once again. The Roman Catholic Diocese of San Pablo in Manila, Philippines, has ruled that hoverboards don’t belong in church by suspending a priest who rode around the aisles on the futuristic technology, while singing a Christmas song to the applause of the congregation, to close out Christmas Eve Mass. The use of the hoverboard was disrespectful to the Eucharist, the San Pablo diocese ruled, and “it is not a personal celebration where one can capriciously introduce something to get the attention of the people,” according to a statement on its Facebook page. The priest has apologized, promised it will not happen again and has been suspended to “reflect” on his actions.
The statement was released after a video of the priest rolling down the aisle went viral. It trails just behind a video of Mike Tyson laughing as he uses a hoverboard in his living room, before he loses his balance and falls comically for the world to see. The Diocese’s decision has elicited comments both supporting and shaming the suspension of the priest and several articles from major news outlets.
If only such immediate actions, public apologies and promises and media attention were given to Catholic priests accused of child molestation in the last several decades, the bank scandal of the 1980s, the corruption of priests in the Middle Ages or political antics of the Church throughout history. If only.
KEEP TREADING WATER, SANTA
Since he can’t swim, we have to assume that Yukon Cornelius is the latest victim of global warming. Scientists around the world are reporting that a freak storm has actually pushed the temperature at the North Pole above the freezing mark to approximately 35 degrees Fahrenheit. No kidding, the temp at the North Pole as of this week is warmer than most of the Midwestern United States and is more than 50 degrees warmer than it usually is this time of year.
And if that doesn’t scare the crap out of all you climate change deniers, then try explaining why more people were killed by tornados at Christmas time this year than died by twister throughout the other 11 and a half months. By the way, when was the last time the Mississippi River flooded in January? Let us know when you find that one.
But don’t worry folks, there’s still hope for the planet. The TV commercials are still saying that the oil and gas industry has been fracking safely for more than 65 years and the industry employees featured in the commercials promise they’ve “looked into it and it’s safe.”
So forget about Santa Claus drowning. It doesn’t have anything to do with burning fossil fuels. They couldn’t say it on TV if it wasn’t true. Could they?
