Dear Dan: I’m in a D/s relationship. I’m not submissive around the clock, but my partner owns my cock. We’ve purchased several male chastity devices, but I can pretty easily get my cock out of them. My partner did some investigating and learned that the only effective devices work with a Prince Albert piercing — a ring through the head of the penis that locks into the device, preventing the sub from pulling his cock out. My partner now wants me to get a PA. I don’t want to get my cock pierced and I’ve said so, but I haven’t safe-worded on it. I would very reluctantly do it to please her. My partner made an appointment for a piercing three months from now, on our second anniversary. She told me that we can cancel it if I can find an effective chastity device that doesn’t require a piercing. Do you or any of your contacts in the fetish world know of any devices that are inescapable?
—Piercing Appendage Unnecessarily Scares Eager Sub
Dear PAUSES: “I’ve never come across a standard male chastity device I couldn’t pull out of,” says Ruffled Sheets, “so PAUSES’s partner has obviously researched regular chastity devices well.”
Sheets is an IT consultant who lives in the United Kingdom with his partner of 15 years. Male chastity devices have fascinated him for more than two decades and, as of this writing, he owns 37 different kinds of cock cages. His partner frequently keeps his cock locked up for weeks or months at a time — and if there were such a thing as a commercially available male chastity device that was inescapable, Sheets would know about it.
“However, all is not lost,” says Sheets. “Piercing is one of two ways to ensure the penis cannot escape. The other is a full chastity belt. Now, full belts aren’t without their drawbacks — they are generally more expensive, are harder to conceal under clothes, and take longer to get used to, especially at night. But they are secure. I have three custom-fitted chastity belts and, once properly fitted, they’re inescapable.” Sheets’ chastity belts were made for him by Behind Barz (behindbarz.co.uk) and Fancy Steel (fancysteel.com.au).
But if most commercially available male chastity devices aren’t inescapable, what’s the point? Why would a person bother to wear one?
“You can only partially escape,” says Sheets. “It’s possible to pull out the penis but not remove the device,” which is anchored around the balls and base of the shaft. “And a partially removed device is awkward and uncomfortable.”
For many male subs and their Doms, the symbolism of a male chastity device is what matters most, not its inescapability. And as with other forms of sex play and most aspects of healthy relationships, the honor system makes it work.
“As in any negotiated relationship, you can cheat,” says Sheets. “But why cheat? They’re easy to keep on if you’re genuinely interested in submitting.”
Fun fact: Locking a guy’s cock in an inescapable device doesn’t prevent him from coming.
“A device can be locked in place with a belt or a piercing, but orgasms are still possible,” says Sheets. “I’ve yet to discover any kind of device that can prevent the wearer from achieving orgasm if he’s holding a powerful wand massager against it, especially after weeks without coming.”
So if your Dominant is locking up your cock to prevent you from coming, PAUSES, she’ll also need to lock up her vibrators.
There are two other things Sheets wanted you to be aware of as you begin to explore male chastity, PAUSES.
“Lots of men are shy about being submissive,” says Sheets, “so they’ll say things like ‘I’m normally dominant in real life,’ kind of like PAUSES opened his letter by saying he isn’t submissive ‘around the clock.’ I just wanted to make sure he understood that chastity is a long-term game. For most of us in chastity devices, it’s a 24/7 affair — literally around the clock.” If you said you weren’t submissive around the clock because you didn’t want to admit that you are, in fact, submissive around the clock, PAUSES, chastity play won’t be a problem. But if you meant it — if you’re not capable of remaining in a submissive headspace for more than a few hours — you’ll need to ask your partner, before the padlock clicks shut, just how long she intends to keep your cock locked up.
“Being locked also has another side effect that you wouldn’t perhaps anticipate,” Sheets adds. “Whenever you become turned on, you feel your cage or belt against your penis. It can be anything from a gentle reminder to a vice-like grip, depending on your arousal level. And whenever this happens, your mind automatically turns to your key holder, even if they’re not around.”
Ruffled Sheets blogs at ruffledsheets.com, where he reviews male chastity devices and other sex toys. Follow him on Twitter @ruffledsheets.
Send questions to [email protected], follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org.
