Astrology

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19: Once when I was hiking through Maui’s rain forest, I spied a majestic purple honohono flower sprouting from a rotting log. As I bent down close, I inhaled the merged aromas of moldering wood and sweet floral fragrance. Let’s make this scene ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: “I’m greedy,” says painter David Hockney, “but I’m not greedy for money — I think that can be a burden — I’m greedy for an exciting life.” According to my analysis, Aries, the cosmos is now giving you the go-ahead to cultivate Hockney’s style...

ARIES March 21-April 19: This is an indelicate oracle. If you’re offended by the mention of bodily functions in a prophetic context you should STOP READING NOW. Still here? OK. I was walking through my neighborhood when I spied an older woman standing over her aged ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: Sometimes you quit games too early, Aries. You run away and dive into a new amusement before you have gotten all the benefits you can out of the old amusement. But I don’t think that will be your problem in the coming days. You seem more ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: Are you good at haggling? Do you maybe even enjoy the challenge of negotiating for a better price, of angling for a fairer deal? The coming week will be a favorable time to make extensive use of this skill. According to my analysis of the ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: I’ve got a good feeling about your relationship with intimacy in the coming weeks. Judging from the astrological omens, I think you will have a good instinct about how to drum up interesting fun with your most important allies. You’ll just ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: “If Taylor Swift is going to have six breakups a year,” observed comedian Bill Maher, “she needs to write a new song entitled ‘Maybe It’s Me.’” He was referring to Swift’s habit of using her romantic misadventures to stimulate her lyric-...

ARIES March 21-April 19: “A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart,” wrote Chuck Palahniuk in his book Stranger Than Fiction. From what I can tell, Aries, the sequence is the reverse for you. In your story, the disruption has already ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: “No regrets? Really?” asks author Richard Power. “I have regrets. They are sacred to me. They inform my character. They bear witness to my evolution. Glimpses of lost love and treasure are held inside of them; like small beautiful creatures ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: You seem primed to act like a ram, the astrological creature associated with your sign. I swear you have that look in your eyes: the steely gaze that tells me you’re about to take a very direct approach to smashing the obstacles in your way. ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: An Indian student named Sankalp Sinha has invented the “Good Morning Sing N Shock.” It’s an alarm clock that plays you a song and gives you a small electrical jolt when you hit the snooze button. The voltage applied is far less intense than, ...

ARIES March 21-April 19: Normally, International CAPS LOCK DAY happens only once a year, on June 28. But in alignment with your current astrological omens, you have been granted the right to observe the next seven days as your own personal International CAPS LOCK ...