Bad hair day confirmed
Well, it’s official. The bad hair summit is on. In the coming weeks, the two men on planet Earth who happen to sport the two worst looking haircuts in existence will sit down across from each other and try not to laugh while they attempt to thwart a nuclear war. That’s right. Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are squaring off in what can only be described as hair diplomacy.
Maybe it all makes sense. You know, like warring gangs using break-dancing to challenge each other instead of resorting to drive-bys. Only in this case, it’s two megalomaniacs avoiding a nuclear war by challenging each other to a worst hairdo contest. Finally there is a real reason to support Trump. There has never been a politician who stood a better chance to bring about peace by way of the top of his heinous-looking head. Good luck, Donald. Don’t change a thing. Those shaved sidewalls don’t stand a chance against your exotic swirls over bald spot patterns.
You won’t believe the top five things millenials are freaking out about
A new study from the American Psychiatric Association concluded that millenials are the most anxious generation. You don’t say?
Is it possible, do you think, that crippling amounts of student debt — like tens of thousands of dollars, at least — are stressing people out? And that robots are going to replace most jobs, and college degrees may just be a big hole millenials dug themselves because their parents told them, “You have to get a college education?”
Do you think the fact that a lobotomized orangutan is the president of the country might be freaking out young people — who, mind you, have their whole lives ahead of them?
How about the fact that a sheet of ice the size of Delaware just flew off Antarctica, the coral reefs are dying and the world’s temperature continues to rise?
Maybe millenials would calm down if institutions like the freaking Centers for Disease Control would stop doing things like posting photos on the internet of a poppyseed muffin with the prompt “Ticks can be the size of a poppyseed. Can you spot all 5 ticks in this photo?” Millenials have enough shit to deal with, they don’t need to be worried about eating ticks, CDC.
What’s that? Baby Boomers are doing OK? We would’ve never guessed that a generation that fouled up democracy, killed the planet, hoarded all the money and, incidentally, single-handedly kept L.L. Bean in business is doing OK.
