Dear Dan: I’m a 56-year-old widow. My husband died suddenly eight years ago. We had no children. I’ve learned how to get along on my own, and until recently, living alone didn’t bother me. Lately, though, I’ve become lonely. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. The problem is that, since menopause hit, I no longer desire sex. I only miss cuddling and holding hands. My body shut the door on sex, and for the most part, I’m fine with it. (Sex with my late husband was truly terrible.) Should I just accept that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone?
— Ready To Give Up
Dear RTGU: Don’t suppose you’d be interested in a 64-year-old who doesn’t leave the house much and feels entitled to a child- and tattoo-free twentysomething but might be willing to settle? There could be used car in it for you. No?
Then here’s another option: There are men out there — some around your age, some older, some significantly older — who aren’t interested in and/or capable of having sex anymore. Many of these men want companionship, too, and they lurk on dating websites, afraid to respond because they wrongly assume all the women on OurTime.com or SeniorMatch.com are looking for older guys who can get it up and get it in. Create a profile and be honest about what you want (companionship, intimacy) and don’t want (sex), RTGU, and you’ll hear from men who want a life partner and a cuddle buddy, not a sex partner or a fuck buddy.
Finally, RTGU, if you’re content without sex, I’m content. But I can’t help wondering if your terrible-at-sex husband didn’t create a negative association that a more considerate, attentive partner might be able to break. If you spoke to your doctor about treatment options and then landed in bed with a man who was kind, considerate, and capable, but content just to cuddle — so no pressure — you might find yourself wanting to reopen that door.
Dear Dan: Big fan, longtime reader and listener, and I need your help. How in the hell can a bipartisan relationship survive this election? Things have gotten so heated that my husband and I recently exploded in an ugly argument. I know I’m not fighting fair — calling him stupid and irresponsible for supporting Trump — and I’m being a shitty partner, and he’s being shitty in response by spouting Clinton conspiracy theories. A huge part of it is that he’s someone who lives to disagree — a true contrarian — and our current political environment has been like manna from heaven for his sense of humor. What advice do you have? We’ve been together for ages and have survived other elections and issues. But, as you know, this one’s different.
— Struggling After Debate
Dear SAD: Unlike your husband, SAD, I don’t think there’s anything funny about Donald Trump. I’m going to enjoy watching him lose the election, and I’m going to enjoy watching his hotels and golf courses go out of business one by one, but our politics and public life have been sickened by the poison that is Donald Trump. It’s going to take years for us to recover, SAD, and I just don’t see the humor in it. And personally, SAD, I wouldn’t be able to climb into bed with someone who was planning to vote for Donald Trump. I would be out the door. But if you can’t leave because you love him despite his moral and political bankruptcy, or because leaving isn’t an option for you financially, avoid the subject for the next three weeks, don’t take whatever bait your husband throws out, and try not to gloat too much when Hillary hands Donald his ass on November 8.
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