If it ain’t broke, don’t split it up
In the latest proof that America has lost its damn mind, a petition to divide California into six states has gained enough signatures to make the November ballot. Frankly, we’re more surprised that Texas didn’t beat Cali to the punch.
For those wondering, “Uhhh, why?” The break-up supporters feel that The Golden State would be better off with small governments for each piece of the pie. And they surely believe this will benefit every corner of the state, not just the rich parts that don’t want to be associated with the stragglers.
Alarmingly, only 59 percent of Californians are against the plan, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. That other 31 percent is probably doubtful if the proposal passed that the state would actually split up — guess they didn’t learn anything from the regretful Brexit voters.
The movement is being championed by venture capitalist Tim Draper, whose resume includes growth projects including Hotmail and Skype. The California divide plan seems like a logical next step. He must have thought, “Ok, I made communication easier with Hotmail. Helped love ones talk face to face all over the globe with Skype. What’s next? Let’s add five more stars to United States flag!”
Speaking of flags, the most important debate now raging in the movement is, who gets the bear? The proud grizzly bear that resides on California’s flag is now in the midst of a nasty custody battle. Some say the bear can stay with North South California on the weekends, and East Upper Middle West California on Wednesdays and Fridays. We say, chop the bear up and the left leg can represent Californington and the head will be mascot for Calississippi.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
We’ve got a joke for ya’! Boy howdy, this is a good one: So a North Carolina governor walks into his office one day and passes a bill that legislates transphobia and eliminates anti-discrimination protections for gay, bisexual, transgender, genderqueer and intersex people in The Tarheel State.
Oh, that’s not a joke? Well, neither was North Carolina Governor Pat McCroy’s completely tone-deaf opening statement at a Donald Trump rally in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, on July 25.
“All right, let’s be safe now,” McCrory said as he warmed up the crowd. “We’ve got a big crowd, so if you need to leave suddenly, we’ve got exits this way, exits this way and exits this way.”
“And,” McCrory continued, “If any of you need to use the restrooms…”
Oh! Ba-dum-chee! Get it? Because House Bill 2 requires that in government buildings, folks use the bathroom that corresponds to the sex on their birth certificates!
Who knew this guy was a standup comic? We didn’t… but we did know he’s a bigoted douchebag.
I mean, after your prejudiced legislation costs your state millions of dollars in revenue and puts the personal and professional safety of hundreds of thousands of people in jeopardy, what else is there to do but make a snide “joke”?
