Dear Dan: My boyfriend of almost two years is wonderful, and we have had very few issues. But there is one thing that has almost been a deal breaker. He fiddles with his penis almost constantly — in front of me and in front of our roommates. I’ve confronted him about it a number of times. He said he should be able to fiddle with his dick in every room of the house if he wants to and he should feel comfortable doing so. I told him that he is being “comfortable” at the expense of the comfort of those around him. We’ve had a number of confrontations about this, and he does it a lot less, but he still does it. If he doesn’t stop when I tell him to, I just leave the room. My question to you: Is this behavior unacceptable or am I being unreasonable?
— Frustrated With The Fiddling
Dear FWTF: Until a few weeks ago, I would have said that neo-Nazis sieg-heiling around Washington, D.C., was unacceptable and any elected official or pundit who didn’t immediately condemn neo-Nazis would be finished politically and professionally. But it turns out that neo-Nazism is just another example of IOIYAR — “it’s okay if you’re a Republican” — and relativism reigns.
In other words: “Unacceptable” is a relative concept, FWTF, not an objective one.
That said, FWTF, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable: Fiddling with your dick in every room of the house is inconsiderate and childish. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of socializing your boyfriend — better late than never — and I would encourage you to keep it up.
Dear Dan: I’m a straight man in a mostly healthy marriage. Our sex life is average, which I understand is better than some people can hope for, and we communicate well. For example, I felt comfortable admitting to my wife a few weeks ago that I would like more blowjobs. She in turn felt comfortable admitting to me that she would prefer if I showered more often. So we made a deal: I would shower every day and she would blow me twice a month. But the first month came and went with no blowjobs in sight. I’ve showered every single day. Should I bring this up to her?
— Bathe Longer Or Withhold Sex
Dear BLOWS: Your wife doesn’t wanna suck your cock, BLOWS, squeaky clean or stinky cheese. I would recommend outsourcing non-birthday blowjobs — if your wife is okay with that, BLOWS, which she won’t be.
Dear Dan: I’m a mid-30s bi woman in an incredible poly marriage with a bi guy. A few months ago, I learned that one of my closest friends (also poly) has a crush on me. I also have always had a crush on him. My crush-friend needed to ask his other partners how they felt about him being involved with me. Three months have gone by, and he’s not yet told me how his other partners feel. One of those partners is under a lot of stress — not the best time to bring up potential new partners to her — but my friend has dated other people in the past three months. I think if he really wanted to do something with me, he would have asked by now. I know you can’t ask someone to give you closure. I’ve also got a shit ton of pride that prevents me from asking him directly how he feels. Should I just move on?
— Confused And Pathetic
Dear CAP: Yup.
Dear Dan: I am a queer trans woman in my mid-20s, and I am in a monogamous relationship with a queer cis woman. We have been dating for about three months now. We have had an absolutely amazing sex life since day one, except for one caveat: She has never in her life had an orgasm. For most of the time she has been sexually active, she has felt ambivalent about getting off. It has only been in the past month that she has started feeling a “sexual awakening,” as she calls it. We have been making progress, but she has been having issues with getting caught up in her head when I am pleasuring her. This has been causing dysphoric feelings for her. We have had a few discussions about what we can do about the situation, but we are feeling lost. We know there isn’t going to be a quick fix, but what do we do about this?
— Confused And Nervous Truly Can’t Overcome Much Exasperation
Dear CANTCOME: Pot.
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